Monday, November 18, 2013

Mommy Wars - or More Likely, Mothers Care!




I don't believe in Mommy Wars.  

I think that these words are used because it causes rage.  This rage causes “views” to the article, video or website. It causes discussions and sharing.  As we engage in the conversation, we strengthen it's reality.  
 
“Language is very powerful. Language does not just describe reality. Language creates the reality it describes.” - 
Desmond Tutu
 
The way I see it, the words “Mommy Wars” creates rage or anger.   This anger gives a person a burst of energy which feels uncomfortable. A person might unload this by “reacting.” A reaction might be to argue or attack that which they have just read or viewed. 


As I see it, people are really responding to the “energy of attack,” which has been created by, and from within the words themselves. 

There are no Mommy Wars.  The only war is the one created by using those words as if they were truth.   

What is the truth? 

As a mother of three I can tell you that being a mother is hard. My experience is that mothers know how motherhood can be a demanding and terrifying experience sometimes. We know that, as a mother, you experience the deepest aspects of love and the deepest aspects of vulnerability through your children daily.

It is my experience that most woman, especially those who have more than one child, resist judging mothers. I have noticed that this tendency of non judgement and compassion gets deeper and more profound the more children that they have themselves. 
(C) Delilah Rivera

I have experienced the total opposite of Mommy Wars, I see that Mommies Care!

I see that most mothers care about their own children, and about other mothers. I think that we damage ourselves and our society by accepting those words as true. When we believe Mommy Wars we create their existence. 
 
I have found that when I react to someone in anger, that anger gets reflected back at me.  This happens in the real world face to face, as well as the virtual world online. When two beings are "throwing spears," at each other with words, it is easy to become stuck in a cycle of attack/ hurt/reject. 

So what do we do about this? It’s easy to get triggered by the energy that someone puts out and respond in anger, but how do we release ourselves from this cycle?  The first step is AWARENESS.

My experience is that the feeling of anger is simply energy moving through me. Consider this next time you are "triggered." Look inwardly and gently place your awareness on your breathing. Ask yourself, "What is this?"  Be gentle with yourself.

By having curiosity you have already shifted out of the cycle. What are you feeling? It may feel immense, like it is unending, but watch and wait. Like a storm, it will pass... and something will be left in it's place. 
 I have found that I can use this energy for CREATION as easily as DESTRUCTION.  It only take the desire and determination to create a new more fulfilling way-of-being.
My next blog post will talk more about this- digesting these intense energies and breaking free.

Consider this, the next time you see something that tries to engage you into anger and war with a fellow mother stop, breathe and be curious. 

It is only by being conscious that we all know the truth- there are no such thing as The Mommy Wars. What is true is that Mommies Care.  Most of us care very deeply.


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